Change and the Power of Blue Suede Shoes

I bought them on a whim. They were gorgeous. They were on sale. I was traveling in a new location so felt a little freer than my usual buttoned-up self, and the two women I was working with on special assignment implored me to buy them. I’d always dreamed of owning a pair.  I reasoned that maybe if I owned them, I could become more like the kind of person I imagined people who wore blue suede shoes to be: carefree, light-spirited, creative. They have fun in life because they make fun happen wherever they go. And how do they do that? By deciding what gives them purpose, makes them happy, fulfilled and joyful, and then doing it, any opinion contrary be damned. Those were the kind of people whose feet belonged in these beautiful shoes.

After I bought them, I put them in a special box with a clear front so I could see them every time I opened my closet.

I didn’t want to wear them because I was afraid they’d get stained and wanted to maintain their pristine beauty. At least that’s what I told myself. On occasion I took them out of the box and stared at them a long while before putting them away again. “What would people think?” I’d wonder. I filled in the blank myself. “Midlife Crisis.” “Not Serious About Work.” “Frivolous.” “Imposter.”

There is a thought that haunts me: “How we spend our days is how we live our lives.”  You hear that when you’re younger and it just doesn’t resonate like it does when you head north of 50.  For the first time in my life I realized with a deep knowing that time was limited.  That instead of a more creative, artistic, independent life someday, unless I took different steps now, “someday” meant I would continue on the same path I’d been on my entire life/career: working my way up in Corporate America. That was fine for many years. Decades even. But something changed as I moved into my fifties. I could feel a cloak of unrest billowing around me, palpable, ever-present. There was a shift, a pull, a nagging that had me up at night wandering through my house in the dark stillness, asking the deeper questions of my life. “How can I do more with my life?” echoed in my brain over and over.

As we age, if we allow it, we grow. For me, this manifested in a renewed interest in creative pursuits–-writing, jewelry-making, music-– and turned a growing fascination with Reiki into a path that led me to become a Reiki Master. I’m not sure how these different loves will intersect, but I follow all because I feel called to do so. My innate sense is that in the following, I will find a way to have a greater impact, to do something more. Something bigger. Something deeper. In acknowledging this pull and my determination to follow it, I also signaled that Fear is unwelcome and must step aside. Courage is a choice, I discovered; like any other bully, Fear subsides when confronted.

We all have blue suede shoes. They are the private list of things we want desperately to do, say, have, wear, or be, if only…. From time to time when no one’s home, we trot them out and try them on, then put them away in our closet.  “Tomorrow,” we tell ourselves.

With more summers behind me than ahead, I am finding the mantra that is first on my mind when I wake up and last on my mind when I fall asleep to be “Find a way.” Find a way to be still, and listen to your soul’s longing. Find a way to follow your heart. Find a way to break free from a life everyone else has decided you should have. Find a way to listen to your own life’s whispers to do more, be more, to make a difference. Begin with a single step, and begin now. Don’t waste another day of your precious life setting aside those nudges to meet the priorities of  someone else. Not at work, not at home. Dig those blue suede shoes out of your closet, and put them on your feet. Don’t just try them on. Wear them.

I am still not sure of my destination, only that I must move in the direction in which I feel called. And so I have begun, trusting the path will unfold with each step. One step today and one step tomorrow. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, or what they say as I take these first steps. It is important only that I move toward what I feel will bring joy, creativity, a lighter spirit, and deeper meaning to my life.

You have the ability to do the same. What nudges have you ignored? What ideas have you brushed away as impractical? What longings have you failed to explore because the path was unclear, and the journey long? Decide to take a step, just one step in the direction that calls you. You will find your feet on a path that brings you home to your true self. And without even crooking your finger toward it, you will also find courage will join you as you journey.

Maybe we are the same in that the destination is not wholly known; I only know for certain that I am now on the path. And as I write this, I realize, for the first time, I am the person whose feet belong in those blue suede shoes. My guess is, yours do, as well.