Reaching the Rainbow Beyond Overwhelm
You may have seen some variation of an email that gets sent out from the sales group after a deal is won thanking everyone who touched the deal on it's way to getting signed. I love these--and shame on the companies that don't do this because it truly does take a village to get a decent sized deal closed. But these emails also shed an interesting light on just what the company culture indicates is expected to get a sales deal across the finish line. To wit.
Years ago I read a "thank you" email for a sales win I’ve never forgotten. It referenced "special help" provided by the legal person working on the final contract revisions. The comment read something like, "And special thanks to Marcus for taking time away from his family vacation to help us negotiate and close this deal. We appreciate him managing contract revisions when he could have been relaxing on the beach with his family.”
Here’s the sad truth behind all that work Marcus did, instead of spending time with his family. If he left his job on a Monday, they’d be searching for his replacement on Tuesday. The beat goes on, as it must… and most of us are not functioning at a genius level curing cancer wherever we are. The reality is, if the person working on a contract that had to get pushed through was absolutely 100% unreachable, someone somewhere would have figured out a workaround. We are all, every one of us, replaceable.
If Marcus realized for half a second that he's not indispensable whether he works through his vacation or not, he'd smarten up and figure out a back-up plan so someone else could manage his contracts while he was out. Then he could actually take a much-needed, well-deserved vacation without checking email or editing a few dozen documents while watching his kids play in the sand and surf instead of romping there with them himself.
How many of us are like Marcus? How often have you said to your spouse or your kids, "I just need to handle this one thing really quick…two minutes and then I'll be right with you"? And how often did those “two minutes” blossom into a half hour, 45 minutes, an hour? If you couldn't do it that evening or weekend, seriously, REALLY COULDN’T DO IT, what would happen? People would make do in that moment, or it would get done the next day, or handled somehow, by someone else, wouldn't it?
And I get it… it’s a delicate balance. You need to be a team player, quid-pro-quo, managing up and all that. Refusing extra-hours work without exception is career suicide. Things happen. Deadlines move. Projects get reprioritized to crucial and now. But the balance—the part where you take back control— is to stop reacting to every request with an automatic ‘yes’ at the expense of your personal life. Pause and consider. Urgent does not always equal important.
If what you want to do is simply work and make money, you can gear your life toward that and get it. And that's likely all you'll get. But if you want a life, an actual life, you need to make some choices. If your job routinely requires you to work nights, weekends, and vacations, it’s time to seriously rethink your employer, and maybe your profession, your priorities, or all of the above. Alternatively, consider putting the following into action to rebalance your life:
1) Don’t commit automatically. Stop and think about “after hours” emails before responding. Prioritize based on sender and importance. Warning: like an addict coming off of crack, you are going to experience some cold sweats here when you start. Stick with it. Remember, it’s not all or nothing. It’s discernment we’re after here. The good news is people are re-trainable. This includes your manager. And you.
2) Respond in part. Send an acknowledgement when you just can’t remain silent but don’t want to put in the time required for a full response. It can read something along the lines of, “Hey, saw your email, can’t get to it now but will tackle by FILL IN YOUR TIMELINE.” What you’re after is managing expectations by showing responsiveness without giving up your personal time, where possible. If it’s critical, they will come back and say so.
3) Be Consistent. When we first begin pushing back, there may be subtle backlash. No one likes their 24/7 problem solver suddenly offline. Expect a second request with a tone (pleading or demanding) in line with the sender’s personality. That still doesn’t mean it’s critical. If you aren’t sure, ASK. You can do this without it reflecting negatively upon your dedication to your job or your organization, if handled in a straightforward manner. I’ve been surprised at the number of times I assumed a request was needed immediately, but upon asking, found it wasn’t.
Bottom Line
Life is short. Shorter than we think. If you don’t set boundaries, others are happy to oblige by setting them for you. At the same time, recognize it’s okay to slip back into the old world of overload now and then. There will be times when you decide it’s necessary based on priorities or deadlines that are immutable. The difference is that you evaluate and decide, instead of react and accept. It’s a process and it’s ongoing, but everyone is trainable. Even you.
Photo by Yulia Gadalina